You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she told me i tasted like america
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
