We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
