the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Two words: blizzard sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
