did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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