He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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