I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
