Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
