She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
