She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
