A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
