Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
