I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
