So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
