erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
