Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
