I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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