you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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