even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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