Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm too high and old for this...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
