Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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