I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
