I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
