Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
