life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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