apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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