I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's just like the Real World with babies
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
