I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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