You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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