dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
