you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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