I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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