well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
