is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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