I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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