Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
