More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
