I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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