Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
