paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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