I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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