The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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