You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
