Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
