I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
