Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
