so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
