my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
