1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
