There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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