my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
