this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
