I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
