I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
