Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
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Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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