if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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