I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
