doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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