How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
