Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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