just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
