laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
