Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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