The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
