I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
