Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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