Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
