I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
