Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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