Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
