watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
